It's done

I'm finally living "alone". A few days ago I took that nice letter I typed up for Roger awhile back ... the one talking about "soon the legal separation will be final, you are now a visitor, you have to leave by 10 p.m. and I will be enforcing this" ... you know the one? The one I thought would solve the problems and I wouldn't have to be the bad guy ... the one I thought he'd "honor" and do what he should? You know that didn't work. First of all, I should have known better ... imagine saying "it's ten pm ... you have to leave" when you don't have anywhere you want to go.

The man has "friends" ... I know of 2 who would put him up ... and that's the 2 Jessie's. Given the choice between them, I'd go with the older one.

Well, he's been sick so I let him stay over. Then the Memorial Day weekend came and of course no one is around. Finally I had 2 days off and his sweet tooth was acting up. I ran out of sugar (and I don't know how that happened since there's supposed to be no one here when I'm not) so I pulled out the remaining brown sugar for coffee/koolaid knowing that would last til I do food shopping but he went throught that in one day for crying out loud! Also, when I went to make the p'nut butter cookies for Sharisse to send her, he got into my jar of p'nut butter I had stashed in my bedroom and I had to use less than what the recipe called for. He offered to go get me some but I said no. Sheesh!!!

So, as I said, I pulled out that letter and circled some parts and added more. I guess I was mad when I did it as I reread it a few days later and thought "boy, that sounds mean". I know he read it as that night when I came home from work he called and asked me to put his bag and the things on the washer outside on the porch and I know that bag wasn't in the front room when I went to work that day. He hasn't said anything about the letter but he hadn't been to my house in about 3 days so I know he read it. When he came by yesterday he was with Jessie and picked up a bag and left again. He hasn't said where he's at or what's happening.

So, now he's gone and I can buy chicken breasts at the market without the fear of them being gone when I want one.

Jason's almost got his own place ... actually he's trying to rent a room in a family's house for $300. He'll find out today if they'll let the deposit be paid in a couple of weeks as I only have the $300 for him since he said he didn't think there was a deposit at all but it's only a little more than the $300 so I might be able to do that next payday or the following if I can't swing it on the 22nd.

Well, gotta run.

Talk to you later.

Love as always,
Mom

Another month gone by!

Oh Tasha ... time is flying by. September will be here very soon. I can't wait.

And Max will be gone on year on the 10th! I do miss him so much. I try not to take it personally as cats will do what they will do but it's still hard. Tux came home ... why didn't he? I bet Tux got him lost on purpose so he'd be the only cat in the household! LOL

This legal separation thing sucks! Sometimes I just wish I had gone with the divorce but it probably wouldn't have made any difference ... Roger has no place to go (he won't ask friends as he doesn't want their pity) so he's here most of the time. Other than my not buying any food for him, not doing his laundry, or anything happening in the bedroom, not much has changed. I'm looking forward to moving into a one bedroom either across the street (which would be nice as they only have a front door and he won't be able to break and enter) or stay withing housing. That way alot of stuff can be gotten rid of.

Well, guess that's about all. I know you're having fun up there and are welcoming all the newcomers to the Bridge.

Love,
Mom

You already knew, didn't you???

Sharisse has been trying to call but couldn't get through so she put it on myspace. It's official ... going to be a boy! And it's "Nicholas Andrell Cook". Her Dad would have been so proud and happy. I can't wait to get up there in September!!! Alleged 3rd grandchild but first grandson!!! Watch out for her, Tasha! She needs all the help she can get.

Love you, baby!!!

Mom

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BABY

OMG ... totally forgot to wish you a Happy Birthday on the 15th!!! It's on my phone so I did not forget but you are now 16 years old!!!!! Oh, Tasha ... I still remember when we first got you!!!!!

Is your Daddy up there with you????????????

I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom

April's almost over

Time is going by so fast!!! I didn't post anything for April ... guess I talk to you enough in real life!

Sharisse is going to find out 5/11 what she's having. I think it will be either Nicholas Andrell or Isabella Nicole. Trying to get Nicole instead of Marie to honor Nikki who's done so much for her and will be there with her at the time of birth if I can't get there in time. Also, Nicholas will honor her also as Nikki is a nickname for both.

Went and paid the $300 for the default papers for the court and took them to Merced Friday. He'll get a copy of the default at him Mom's house. The papers have been filed with the judge so in less than 2 weeks (hopefully depending) I will have the finalized signed paper stating we are legally separated.

Right now we're (oh, excuse me ... it's "I'm" now and not "we're) getting ready for the inspection this Monday or Tuesday. Roger cleaned out the back room and my trash can is overflowing! LOL

Gotta run and finish up some last minute things as I'm working night tomorrow and morning Tuesday and don't want to be doing any more cleaning then.

Love as always and missing you sooooooo much!

Mom

Heading for April!

OMG ... I can't believe it, Tasha. Almost April already!!! I know time means nothing to you furbabies at the Bridge ... you're enjoying yourselves and that's the way it should be.

Looks like Sharisse will find out next month whether it's a boy/girl. She's going for Nicholas or Bella but that's always subject to change. I'm still planning on going up there in September ... she's looking at 9/13 as a delivery date but babies come when babies come.

Found out yesterday that another set of papers have to be filed with the court for the LS. There goes another chunk of money but since the refund was a "gift" so to speak ... can't complain too much. Allah knows what the future holds and takes care of us all.

Have a coffee "date" online with Sharisse at 10 ... she got the mug and loves it as I knew she would.

You have fun and take care of all the newbies who are crossing over the Bridge.

Love,
Mom

February already?

Can you believe it, Tasha??? Next month will be 2 years since you've been gone!!! Everytime I take the trash out at night at work I look up at that star and know you're watching over me. Seens like it was only yesterday that I sent Ginny the money for your residency upkeep and now I'm getting ready to do it again! Time sure flies ... sad though.

Sharisse is coming along ... Dwayne's back in CA ... they came and got him. I don't think she'll be back though as there's an arrest warrant out for her from Salinas. Oh well. I'm trying to save up money cuz I want to go up there in September when she's getting ready to have the baby. I just have to be there.

Love you always.

Mom

Sharisse is set ...

Just called me and she says she's 6 weeks pregnant. Guess God took it all out of everyone's hands, didn't He? LOL

Now she'll get cash aid from welfare and more once the baby is born. Don't know how Dwayne will react to this. Told her she doesn't have to tell him right away ... California's supposed to have til 2/7 to come get him. Not sure what's going to happen if they don't ... guess he'll be staying in WA. Joey's the father and his family is thrilled!!! I'm glad that his Mom is there ... Sharisse was using her phone to call me. Not sure how I feel about it. Told her I was withholding my total enthusiam til baby was born ... probably should have been more excited but I wasn't ... not sure why though. Will have to think on that for awhile. Maybe cuz she's so far away? Guess that's where my vacation money at work will be going next year (supposed be due 9/23 but that will change) as I do want to be with her when she delivers. Now the thought keeps replaying in my mind when I told her that I knew I would not die until she had her first child ... I would be there at the birth. Probably shouldn't have said that as now I'm thinking she might feel that once she has this one, I will be called home. Maybe she won't remember? At the back of my mind, I'm thinking the same thing.

Talk to you later.
Mom

Nothing left for anyone/anything

It seems to be all gone, Tasha. I still love you, Baby but I find I seem empty inside. Catherine has said that I'm in mourning, depressed, etc. over the separation and I guess she's right.

Sharisse is wanting $300 so she can have a camper which she may get through an agency with their voucher into an RV place. I don't have that! I wrote and told her if I needed to send her this, I would have to let bills go and double up on them next month and I won't be sending it to her ... I said I would send it to the RV place. I wonder if this is the same place that she talked about going into as a renter and asked for money and when I said I would send it to the place itself, she tells me she made a mistake and they only have homes for sale and not rentals.

I sent her off the letter and will wait to hear from her. Meanwhile I will go on with my daily routines.

The locks are being changed tomorrow. Roger's been here sleeping in the 2nd bedroom and we're not really talking. I just have nothing to say/give anymore.

Joined a Yahoo group for dealing with divorce ... most stories include spousal support and children so I am kind of a different case.

Gotta get ready for work. Talk you later.

Love you always,
Mom

As you know ...

Roger got served with the legal separation papers yesterday. I guess talking to you has become more or less my new online journal. I still keep the written one ... remember I tried to keep one through my email folders but I guess I deleted the one I was working on as one day it was just gone. That will teach me to send it to my folder instead of keeping it like an email ... you know what I mean.

Even though he knew it was coming my stomach was still doing flip flops when the man was coming to the door and I had to tell Roger he was here.

He has 30 days to respond and then, from what I understood from the paralegal office, the judge will get it and sign off on it and I'll get the final papers in the mail. Then I can take it down to housing and it will be done.

Now if I can just get my damn locks changed. They were supposed to do it last month but Deb said she dropped the ball on that one ... they were supposed to do it yesterday but didn't come. Now I have to call Deb tomorrow and set it up for the next day I have off which isn't til a week from this coming Friday. Arrgghh.

I know there's a reason why it wasn't done ... I just want it done now. I'm tired of waking up and finding him here. But everything in God's time ... not mine.

I'm off to work ... talk to you later, my baby!

Love,
Mom

Almost Done abd a Dream

Jason's home. Got in New Years Day. Nice to have him back again.

Last payday I got a money order for the processor server. He came by and I gave him the paperwork. His Dad showed up this a.m. to serve the papers but Roger's not at home. So I will call Mr. Wyatt to let him know when Roger's here.

Had a dream about Max the other night. Funny ... it's very rare I remember my dreams but I remember this one. Max showed back up ... I think it was at the back door and not the front. I opened the door and there he was scraggly/thin with a hurt front paw. I remember I took him in and fed him up on the kitchen table. I know Tux was here but that's all I remember. Tasha, I have no clue what the dream means. Did you send it to let me know Max is still alive and more or less ok? Is he eventually coming home? I do know I get sad when I think on it. I know ... "well then, Mom stop thinking on it!" LOL

As always, I love you and will forever.

Mom

The first day of a brand new year

Morning Tasha!!! Is this coming year going to be better at the Bridge than last? Maybe it would if the arrivals were alot less? That should be everyone's wish for a new year.

Jason's due home in a few. He's actually supposed to have arrived at 9:15 so he should be home any minute now.

I still don't know what Roger's thinking about this mess. I reread my journal and remembered those bad times in Boston. Made a list of all the things I "do" and sent him an email stating that (among other things) and said "with all I do all you HAD to do was the hours and you couldn't do that! A big part of me has died ... the way I feel now I will not be living with him again.

Let me leave you now as you certainly don't need my anger/upsetness to darken your days at the Bridge. Max is still out there and Tux has a new collar! He's such a sweetie and I thank you for sending him to us. Even though you didn't pick his name like you did with Max, I know you chose him.

Love,
Mom